The Voice Within
For as long as I can remember I have been capable of hearing the Holy Spirit speak to me. Of course I didn’t always recognize it for what it was.
Intuition, embodiment, having good discernment, there are many ways of explaining this voice within.
These days I don’t believe it matters much how you define the voice. Organized religion and those who oppose it may have very different opinions. I am coming to believe that being a spiritual person is what truly matters. The fact that you can hear an inner voice that guides you to love and do good is what matters.
I’m not here to argue religion or philosophy, or tell you what to call it, simply to talk about my own experiences and stories.
At times I can hear it as a direct answer to a question I ask aloud, hearing the answer loud and clear as if it were spoken. Other times it is a gut feeling, hearing nothing at all but still having a deep knowing and understanding. Sometimes it is presented in signs given to me. Maybe I will see something and it triggers an answer I have been searching for that is suddenly answered. And sometimes it’s just a slight whisper that I have to strain to hear, trying to hear it again only to realize I don’t need to actually hear it, because I already “know” what was said.
Hearing this you must be thinking how blessed I am and how this must make decision making SO much easier for me. Or that I’m completely crazy, that’s always a possibility too!
So here’s the wild thing… I don’t always listen. And somehow at 41 years old I am just realizing this may be the single biggest reason I have been stuck in so many ways.
There have been several instances where I’ve actually acknowledged the answer I’ve received only to demand further proof that is the right answer. I’d ask for just one more sign. Or simply do the complete opposite!
This has been playing out quite regularly recently and it’s brought me to a pretty profound conclusion.
Hi, it’s me, I’m the problem, it’s me! I am the one not listening and obeying that inner voice. I’m not trusting my gut feeling and doing what I know is right and in turn am causing myself unnecessary pain.
To be perfectly honest, I can’t even be mad about the situations I find myself in. It’s a ME issue. I am the one who stays in places I don’t belong. I’m the one choosing to accept less for myself than I am worthy of. I am the one completely going against my gut feelings and inner voice and doing the opposite of what I know I need to do.
This realization immediately brought me back to the ending of my marriage almost 4 years ago. That was a time in my life when I was searching high and low for every answer under the sun. Which I was provided with time and time again only to keep asking for more. Until I didn’t need the answers anymore, it was right in front of my face and I could no longer deny what needed to be done. And yet somehow, here I am again not so long after. Still searching and asking, only to receive and not listen.
The common denominator is this… I NEED to listen to and trust my gut feelings, my inner voice at all times. No exception, no questions asked. It has never led me in the wrong direction, only I have done that. So 11 days into the new year I have finally found what my New Year’s resolution is and it is simply this. To trust my instincts in all that I do.
Because this seems to play out most prominently in my relationships, I have been focusing a lot on self love and learning to trust myself. I recently read something that I just had to share here because it is what prompted this writing.
This is an excerpt from “The Book of Awakening” by Mark Nepo
“Underneath all that we are taught, there is a voice that calls to us beyond what is reasonable, and in listening to that flicker of spirit, we often find deep healing. This is the voice of embodiment calling us to live our lives like sheet music played, and it often speaks to us briefly in moments of deep crisis. Sometimes it is so faint we mistake its whisper for wind through the leaves. But taking it into the heart of our pain, it can often open the paralysis of our lives.”
Live our lives like sheet music, how beautiful is that?
2024 will be a year of deep healing for me. And in order to do that I must learn to listen to my inner voice and trust myself above all other feelings.
Photo of Crystal Cove State Beach, CA. For me, the place where I can hear my inner voice clearly has always been at the beach or anywhere near the ocean. This was one of the most beautiful sunrises over the ocean I have ever seen. So peaceful and calming.
