Unclenched Fists
Today I am going to share with you a story about a lesson that I learned back in February of 2020. What God showed me, helped me tremendously exactly when I needed it, but it also seems so relevant to all of the things we are dealing with in the world today. As seems to always be the case for me, God tries teaching me something, but because of my extreme stubbornness, it usually takes an obvious event, like a literal smack in the face before I get it. I’d like to say I am getting better but because it keeps happening, I am learning to laugh and say, “well played God” and move on.
For about 2-3 years I have been having extreme pain in my hands off and on. I figured I had carpal tunnel. At least that’s what my self-diagnosis after my google searches told me! I bought braces for my wrists, I began taking turmeric, tried giving my hands a break. It was to the point that I was having trouble typing. My youngest son wanted to go to Phoenix for his Birthday and since my husband was in a boot after his recent Achilles surgery I had to drive. I had to drive the whole way with my hands open, palms on the steering wheel because I was unable to actually grip it. Everyone triple checked their seatbelts on that trip! I was dropping things constantly and couldn’t cut anything while prepping meals. I finally decided to see an actual doctor. Because my family has a history of neurological disorders I always fear the worse and this was no exception.
My doctor agreed with google, it sounded like it could possibly be carpal tunnel, but just to be sure because of my medical history and because it also could be rheumatoid arthritis or Lupus, they went ahead and did some blood work. My doctor then prescribed me some pain relief cream that I could rub on my hands to alleviate symptoms. A few days later my doctor called and informed me my blood work looked great and suggested I try the cream to see if it helped. I was hesitant. I didn’t like the idea of masking the pain without knowing the reason behind it so I didn’t use it.
During this same time we were a couple of weeks into Spring Bible Study. What I was learning through this particular study was that it was time for me to release my control over my life to God. I am a self-proclaimed control freak, I think I was born that way. I am one of those people who says if you want something done right, you better do it yourself, but it was simply because I wanted it done MY way. I recently went back and looked through my notes I had taken during this bible study and some of the things I had written prove that. The first note I came across said “I need to submit that God is in control and I am not. Nothing I do can change my circumstances, only God can. I must trust Him for victory over my battles.” Another “God did not give me a spirit of fear, yet I am fearful of releasing my control and all things are possible with God, yet I am doubtful of how things will turn out.” I had to realize that nothing I could do would change my situation before I willingly let go. But, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Another week goes by and in my hurry to do all the things, I tripped and fell, landing all my body weight on my left hand. I was sure I broke my wrist. So off to Urgent Care I went. The X-Rays revealed that it was not broken, only sprained in two places. I already had a follow up with my regular doctor scheduled to check on how my hands were doing, so another week goes by and back to the doctor I go! I informed her that I did not try the pain-relieving cream but apparently it was good that I fell because the next step in diagnosing my pain was to X-Ray my hands and now it was already done. After my doctor took a look at my x-rays she was able to clearly see that my joints were not deteriorating and there was no inflammation. She was stumped. My hands appeared to be hurting for no reason.
At our next Bible Study meeting I decided to open up and share about how I was struggling to release control over my life to God. A dear friend at our table shared with me an image she had seen. It was a picture of two hands with their fingers locked together and a quote from Corrie Ten Boom saying “Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open”. I had not shared with this friend the constant pain I had been having in my hands. In fact, I didn’t even mention it that night. It was like a switch clicked in my head when she shared that picture and quote. God specifically put me at that table, with that friend, for me to hear that message. I had been clinging so tightly to my control over my life that it was physically hurting me.
On February 25th I text my friend this message “I just wanted to share with you that I can’t get the image of God prying my fingers open to release control out of my head. I don’t think I’ve told you but I wake up with my hands killing me pretty much daily. And they hurt all throughout the day. Today was the first time in a long time that I woke up without pain and they haven’t hurt today at all. So thank you, thank you. I am so thankful for our friendship.”
Now here we are over 3 months later and do you know what, my hands have not hurt once since then. I am able to do all the things that caused me pain before. One of my favorite things to do is sanding and refinishing old furniture and I am able to finally do so again! I have also gone on many long drives and been able to properly hold onto the steering wheel! Can I get an amen to that!
This same friend shared something else with me that she read in a daily reading. It said “Here’s the beauty of surrender: when you lay down your mess, your hands are then free to pick up God’s rest.” The word REST standing for Reflect, Engage, Surrender and Trust.
What I have learned is that trying to control everything gets stressful after awhile. Controlling everything, or at least trying to because it never actually worked, was focusing on myself, how I could accomplish things. By giving it to God, I have realized it is all in His control and everything will happen according to His will. If I ask God to take control and truly give it to Him, He will release me from my anxieties and He will answer.
Philippians 4:6-7 says Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I think about this lesson I learned, the hard way mind you, but also in such a special way, and a few things come to mind. Yes at the time I was trying to control circumstances in my life that I had no control over but tried anyway. But I am so thankful for this lesson because right now, everything in this world feels out of control. What I now know and fully trust and believe is that while I cannot control what is going on in my life, much less this world, God is in control, and He and only He knows what the outcome will be. My job is to have faith in this. To be thankful that I can rest in this fact, and to pray like crazy for all the things that are out of my control and rest in His peace. It also reminds me of God’s patience. I have seen the long-suffering of God demonstrated to me as He continually waited for me to give up control, teaching me lesson after lesson. And lastly, what I have learned is that sometimes we aren’t capable of learning the lesson on our own. Sometimes, God sends a special friend to speak right to your heart, and that’s how you learn the lesson.
A couple of my sweet, sweet bible study friends that I could not imagine doing life without!
