How did I get here?

I’m 39 years old and haven’t been on an airplane since I was 17 and pregnant. I am currently residing in Prescott Arizona and haven’t even traveled further than California and back since I was 15. In fact, that flight when I was 17 was only to Phoenix, Arizona.

So how in the world did I get here? I’m sitting at my tiny kitchen table, by myself, eating canned tuna with pita chips, as I watch the wind blow the trees outside. And somehow, I am completely content.

The journey to this exact point in time feels like a really long one. But somehow, out of all the bad decisions, chaos, and turmoil, I find myself completely at peace with closing the chapter.

Just three days ago I sat in an attorney’s office across from my soon-to-be ex-husband. We were just 13 when we met and only 17 when we started our lives together. That is a lot of years! A lot of history. And I’d like to say a lot of memories, but most of them are blurred.

How can I possibly feel at peace? Like somehow this was always meant to happen even though it is the opposite of what I had imagined my life would turn out to be like.

I suppose there are a lot of factors. Each and every one setting me on a trajectory to truly finding myself. To figuring out who I am at the core of my being. If every little thing along the way hadn’t happened exactly the way it did, I wouldn’t be feeling the peace I am at this moment.

I created this blog to tell my story. From my own personal point of view of course, and to the best of my recollection. All of my writing’s hereafter are situations that I only recently recognized the significance in my life. It took a ton of soul-searching, hard work, and really digging deep to get to this point. And the work is never truly done.

At this point, I feel the need to just get it all out. I suck at having hard conversations, so it’s easier to write about it. Just ask my dad, I left a note on his pillow when I was 17, telling him I was having a baby.

But mostly, I feel the need to share my stories and lessons learned along the way because I see my former self in so many others. I’ve had many conversations with old friends and relatives who’ve asked how I’ve done IT? “It” being radically changing every aspect of my life. And through the process, coming back to who God created me to be, who I am at my core. Some of these stories will give a glimpse of how.

Welcome.